Everywhere I look today someone wants my money. Well, isn’t that really what money is all about anyway – Spending?
A couple generations ago, they were all about “Savings,” or at least that’s what they tell us. I’m sure many of you have had some “experienced” gentleman, give you the good old cliché, “You know, back in our day, you saved up to buy something. You kids and your Credit Cards, that’s what’s ruining this country, you know?”
Well slap the back of my head and call me “Charlie,” they were right! The funny thing about Credit Cards is that the popularity of use has more to do with the convenience of a cashless system, rather than the “Borrowing” aspect (… So we tell ourselves). “It’s for the points!”
Wow – Technology eh? Just a quick swipe of the plastic and vuala, you are the proud owner of a Big White Plastic Dog Statue. (Good - That void is finally filled) I may be dating myself, but I remember back in the day, when they called the “Charge-ex” machine a “Chick- Chick.” This was because of the sound it emitted when you made a carbon copy imprint of the Credit Card. There was no Internet or even a Phone Call for small purchases. It was assumed that if you had plastic, you were good for it. Now, with all this data transfer “hocus pocus” … Purchase? … “Declined!”
Here’s my issue with Credit Cards, and more so, the issue I have with the technology surrounding their use. Let’s say that I had, oh I don’t know, $400 left available on my $5000 limit, because I REALLY LOVE THOSE POINTS! Anyway – Let’s say, after tax, the item which I am attempting to purchase is $401, just because. You know those amazing technological doohickeys called Computers, and “The Internet?” Well, as they swipe the card… Bingo – Bango – in a matter of mere seconds, “Sorry Sir – This purchase is over the limit that you have available on your card. Do you have another Form of Payment?” Presto Magic! Just like that! (Snap – Hands to the Ceiling!) “I love technology!” O.K., here’s another scenario; Let’s just say, the purchase was $399 for that Magnificent Toaster from Home Outfitters, Bingo – Bango – “Here’s your receipt sir.” Just like that – Done! You’re eating the World’s Finest Toast within the hour.
NOW, one more crazy scenario: Oops! “You know what? I just realized that a $10 Toaster can make just as good quality Toast. Oh – You don’t carry the $10 jobs here at ‘Home Outfitters’ eh? You don’t say… Your cheapest Toaster is $60 Bucks. Oh well. I’ll just return this one then and go purchase it from another store… No problem.” Here’s the problem: For “some reason” when the store does a “reversal payment” on your Credit Card, it can take 3 to 5 business days for the funds to return to your Credit Card. “Three to Five Business Days.” Let’s take a moment to analyze the time ratios on this Marvel of Modern Technology: “Mere Seconds verses, 3 to 5 Business Days!”
SO what you are telling me is that, “NASA can land a Remote Controlled Toy on Mars, but it takes 3 to 5 Business Days to put (imaginary) money back on my Credit Card, when it took a blasted second to take it?” REALLY? That’s very fascinating, “Debbie” from Home Outfitters, with your all of $9.50 an hour. Thank you for explaining to me, the intricacy of the workings of our ultra modern, and technologically advanced, Credit System.
I mean what’s with this whole “Hotel California” take on our money? I laugh every time I see an Infomercial attempting to sooth my Buyer’s Remorse with all that, “Money Back Guarantee,” bunk. “There’s no Risk. If you change your mind. Send it back…” Send it back? To where? Where are you? Should I send it back to your illusive “Returned Item Centre,” located next door to Dr. Evil’s Secret Lair? Oh, you mean the address that you conveniently forget to include in that Infomercial or at the time the product arrived. Well, let’s call and find out where I need to send this to…
Where is their contact number anyway? Hmmm… All I have is this Sales Line… (Beep, Boop, Beep, Beep – Calling Sales Line – Boop, Boop, Beep…) Ring, Ring: “If you order within the next 30 minutes, we’ll include this miniature version of the Big White Dog Statue.” (Hold Music…) ‘I haven’t listened to ABBA in ages.’ “Thank you for calling The Acme TV Stuff Sales Centre, this is Julie. What is the item that you wish to purchase today?” - ‘Well, Julie, I’m actually calling about returning an item.’ “Well Sir, I’m sorry, but I cannot help you with that issue. You have called the ‘Sales Centre,’ hence the reason I said, ‘Sales Centre’ at the beginning of this call. You will have to contact the “Return Centre.” - ‘Well, yes, Julie, I understand that, but I do not have the number for…’ – “Please hold.” – (La – la – la – Carpenters Hold Music- La la la la la la la). “Yes Sir, the number is; Country Code 91 …” – ‘Wait… Julie, Country Code? Do you have an 800 number for the Return Centre, I’m calling from Canada.’ – “No. I’m sorry Sir, but the Return Centre is located in Kanpur India… the Area Code for Kanpur is 512… and…” – ‘Hold on a second there, Julie. I’m not going to call India to return this item that I purchased in the @#&*% States!’ – “Sir. You do not need to use such language with me, and besides, the item was most likely purchased here in India.” – ‘What? HERE in India? Are you kidding me?’ – “Sir, I do not have a kid with you. Here is the rest of the number that you need to call… 22281131… Thank you for calling the Acme TV Stuff Sales Centre. Have a nice day. Call again. Good bye.” - ‘This is ridiculous!’ – (Beep, Boop, Beep, Beep, Boop – Calling International Long Distance – Boop, Boop, Beep…) Ring, Ring; “Yoor kal iz impotant to us. Plaze stay on the lane, and somewart will hulp yoo shorting” – ‘You’ve got to be kidding me!’ – “Thank you for calling The Acme TV Stuff Customer Service Centre, this is Julie. What item do you require technical support with?” - ‘Julie? @#$%&!!!’ Click! – (Dial Tone).
The Good Book teaches us that, “A fool and his money are soon parted.” Well, maybe that’s not “THE” Good Book, but whoever wrote that in ‘A’ Book, made a lot of sense. The point is, is that we should not be so willing to part with our money, and even more so, when it is money that we have not even made yet, let alone taken the time to actually borrow, and set “reasonable” terms.
We’ve become a Culture of Spenders without reason, because “There’s More Where That Came From!” Wisdom has departed from us, and we wonder why we find ourselves in the present Global Economic situation. I think this generation needs a course in “Tangible Economics.” If you can’t see it, if you can’t feel it, and if it takes you more than a pay-cheque to pay back, IT AIN’T REAL! A wise man once said, “A bird in the hand is better than two in the bush.” I have no idea what he meant, but I’m sure that it sounded good, at the time. Here’s my attempt as wisdom, “Imaginary Money buys you imaginary Happiness.”
This is Billy Goetz saying, “Don’t believe the hype!”
“… And that’s All I have to say about THAT!”
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